I took a train to Seattle today and found myself totally comfortable despite being crammed in like a sardine. I felt the invisible foe I am fighting creeping up on me this morning before I caught the Amtrak sitting alone at the station. But I also felt proud of myself at the same time. It seems to me when I am with those who understand the anxiety and aren't afraid of it makes it seem to disapear. The inner fear that someone might see your anxiety or feel it, is quite ridiculous and quite embarasing, but it is what it is regardless, no one can see it, feel it or touch it. I find myself now avoiding the toxic parties in my life like my x husband and another unnamed person. Unfortunately this person is a close person to me and it's hard to disclose my emotions to her as it seems to end up in criticism from her or just the same "get over it" attitude.
I think it is important when you do have anxiety to know there are people that love you no matter what, anxiety or no, they will stand by you and not be afraid of this thing. That is the only thing I think besides my own homework and rational mind that has gotten me through this. For some; the ignorance is bliss and would rather not know that this thing exsisted as they are helpless to help the person, so they back away and fear it even more so than the victim. The others, the people that love you, the brave souls, that see who you really are through this hidden enemy are the ones that inspire me to continue on. Lonliness is far different from being alone, and none of us are really ever alone in my opinion.
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