I think these two topics go hand in hand for me. I find myself loathing to go anywhere by myself as the world has so much to offer but doing it alone just isnt that much fun. I find myself craving to have someone there with me sharing in my experiences on a day to day business. The bustle of my single roomates life and her single rituals makes me realize more and more I dont fit in here. Feeling like I have someone to share my deepest thoughts and feelings with leaves me craving an emotional connection that is just hanging there. I refuse to just go out and find someone to fill the spot in my bed just for the momentary thrill of it.
The ending of my marriage was a beginning to a new life for me, but yet I find that gnawing sensation dragging me down, the loss of my back ground person. I know this triggers my anxiety, the wondering how I will possibly make it on my own, who will share my life with me, my dreams and aspriations. I suppose that person is me, but as much as I tell myself, I cant seem to convince that inner child that, that is enough. A new love is not going to help me down that road, but maybe a friend will. I am determined to find myself one way or another and not just lie down and take this beating my emotions are giving me, I refuse, my natural optomism wont let me.
