Timing

I look at each day as a gift, I live it as its my one shot because tomorrow might not come to me. If I didnt wake up tomorrow what would my friends and family say about me? I like to think nice thoughts like everyone else. But theres that small part of me that wonders if they will only remember my anxiety as it has ruled over me for a long time. I need to keep reminding myself that my stress levels trigger it and when it gets to be to much, I need to clean out my head and make change. Its like a wonderfully beautiful woman, nagging at you to do whats good for you, nails on chalkboard, but it speaks the truth. I find myself day to day wondering if this path I am on is right, and I suppose wether it is or not, its better than the one I was on. I have tons of supportive, loving friends, I am now divorced,  I start school in January and things are going as well as they can be, but yet I still have my days where my mind reverts back to that dark place of the "what ifs". I suppose worst case I might go mad, and if I do, thats ok, at least I wont know I am mad. Or if i pass out, I pass out, whats the worst, embarassment? confusion? I shrug at you thoughts. And why the sudden bouts of anger really? Who knows? I think its coming down to crunch time and I am kind of freaking out a little about what I will need to do, even though I want this, its still quite frightening.