New Light

The last few months have found me on the next phase of my life. I move out of a very bad rebound relationship into a path of self discovery. The anxiety has become incredibly much more managageable with some simple excersises and the release of stress. I am a full time student and at times I wonder if this is what I should be doing. I hear a common statement of "well I have a degree but I am working a normal job" is this my fate? Who knows. My time for healing and living and growing is now. I took a class on something called EFT, an amazing way of releasing emotions, easily and quickly. I have found with my anxiety that I need to confront this beast head on, acknowledgeing how I feel instead of ignoring it and sleeping. My dissasociation is decreasing as I get more rest and my stress level goes down. My support has grown immensly since last year and I have a much larger array of friends now and I have come to the conclusion that is all I need.

I have no desire for a relationship and for the first time in my life I am happy living alone, just me and Milo. My roomate moved out and is living happily with her "soulmate". She no longer wakes me at 2 am in a drunken stupor. Things over all are going well enough and I am hoping to stay on this path for a while until I have discovered my authentic self. Digging through the layers of me, I am finding all sorts of interesting information I had no idea about, I am excited to see where this path goes, and I have figured out the key to living alone is to not think about the fact that you are alone, just living your life is the first step.

Another Time

So here it is February, it's been a very long two months and I have gone from a total high to a total low. I am trying to remain optomistic but at times it is incredibly hard. I have been plagued by anxiety for the last two weeks it seems stemming from hormones perhaps? I find myself unmotivated by everything and walking in what feels like a waking shadow. Overwhelmed in school, over loaded in my own mind, stress is everywhere. Some would look at my life and say, "Hey she's got it easy, what does she have to worry about?" I say EVERYTHING! Dont you see! My chronic worrying is to much at times and I wish it away but it never goes. Dissasociation is prevalent and I really wish I could snap out of this. My normal sunny disposition is not anywhere to be found and I really want it to come back. I must regain control of my life and figure out what it is that is bringing this dark cloud down on me. I found out I am not getting the Pell grant to pay for my 2012 tuition so I am forced to take loans to pay for the classes. I am trying to rationalize why this is ok to do, and the only thing I can come up with is that it will make it so I am able to get financial aid for next year. I have a huge support group and people who love me but yet I still feel this bleak darkness pounding down on my psyche. I am sure tomorrow will be better, spring is around the corner.