The depersonalisation, dissasociation, whatever you may call it is prevelant today. It feels like I am almost watching myself type now as I sit here, like I am in a movie of sorts. I am not sure what has triggered this sensation other than that it is a defense mechanism, its just here to protect me but god is it annoying! It feels like I just cant wake up no matter what I do so I have coping skills to help with that. I count whats around me or just get up and move around. Sometimes when I talk it doesnt feel like its really me talking, I know this is just a phase I am experiencing, just an emotion of emotions. My brain thinks it has to do this to protect me.
I am leaving on a train tomorrow for Seattle for the weekend, a change of scenery will be nice. Hopefully I will feel more awake tomorrow, I can always sleep on the train if I want. It feels sometimes like I am just floating through time and space waiting for something to happen. The anxiety can be overwhelming at times. Some days I just dont want to leave my house. I long for the day when I wake up from this mess and can feel alert and aware of my surroundings.
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